I tend to lean toward being charitable with parents of young children, especially when I read about seemingly preventable tragedies. We get parent-blaming stories about small children escaping adult supervision and getting onto a highway, lost in the woods, climbing into a hot car in their own home’s driveway and getting stuck, drowning in a pool, and other tragic scenarios.
A couple embarrassing, SCARY incidents from my own experience remind me that you cannot be vigilant 24/7/365. But for the grace of God, my stories could have ended in tragedy. Back when my children were small, I was able to stay at home with them. Fortunately, I have an older child who was already relatively mature and sane.
Incident #1. One day, when I thought my wild child was napping, I ventured to take a shower despite the fact that I was the only adult in the house. Halfway into my shower, my older child burst into the bathroom and told me she had seen her two-year-old brother outside, walking past our front window, headed into the woods that we live in. Of course, I was terrified. I stopped only long enough to put on my robe and shoes and ran outside, calling for him. I couldn’t see him at all. When he answered (Thank God!), I told him to Stay There and hug a tree, while I followed the sound of his voice until I found him. I couldn’t see our house from where he was. Tragedy #1 averted, thank you, Sane Older Child, who was five or six at the time.
Incident #2. I was wakened from a nap by a phone call from our neighbor whose house is 900+ feet down our hill from us and beside a busy state highway. Neighbor: “Do you know where Wild Child is?”
Me: “Supposed to be napping while *I* was catching some shuteye.”
Neighbor: “He showed up at our door a couple minutes ago. I asked him, ‘Wild Child, does your mom know where you are?’”
Wild Child’s answer: “Almost.”
Said Wild Child was FOUR. After that, we set our house alarm system to chime whenever the door opened. What would families that don’t have house alarm systems do?
Before electronic monitors, how did parents manage? Leashes? Papoose style backboards? Baby slings? My answer is not in the physical gadgets that have been invented, rather in the other aspects of our homes. The multigenerational households that existed then allowed for someone to be awake and paying attention. People knew their neighbors, and members of the community watched out for each other. Now, in an attempt for privacy, we don’t know our neighbors—not even what they look like. And so, “free range” parenting is considered neglect rather than allowing school age children the freedom to develop self-reliance and life skills.
I still shudder when I think about these incidents. In both of them, I believed I was being a responsible parent, and that showering and/or napping while my children were napping was perfectly acceptable, safe. While it may have been considered acceptable, it wasn’t safe. Despite the fact that you need to shower or sleep sometime, never turn your back on small children. They will convince you that they have good sense. They don’t.
The question will always be, “But Who’s Got the Kids?”